I am in my last week of work in Carbondale, CO. When I first arrived, I was so excited- everything was so beautiful and quaint. After a week the quaint reality reminded me that I need the honesty of dysfunction in my living space to mirror my internal process. That's where I feel safe and compassionate. Here I feel aloof and slightly afraid.
I prefer big cities to small towns, because you have to watch what you say and do at every turn in a small town. If you live here, you could outcast your entire family by voicing an unpopular opinion. If you don't, you could get beat down on any main road that is as empty as it is important. In my case, I have never been more concerned for my safety in the rape department... with the economy here taking a hard toll, drinking starts early and hate is barely sedentary.
I won't be raped, but it feels more likely here than the Bushwick neighborhood in Brooklyn.
Mainly, I just feel excited to move on to the next place, which will be Denver (one of my favorites). I will spend time with friends there before heading to Portland, then France.
Small towns are not enjoyable to me. I love nature, but I don't like people with a deficit of perspective. I am not saying everyone here is like that, but you can tell that the majority is... They wear scrunchies in their hair and brow.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Franticipation: The Last Month in America
I am in Carbondale, Colorado for three weeks, for work. I will travel home to Portland to say my goodbyes to family and friends in preparation for my upcoming departure to France, where I plan to stay for an indefinite period of time.
I have never traveled over seas, I haven't even been to Mexico or Hawaii. However, I know that this is what I want to do. I don't know where I will stay or how I will live. I have a modest savings that will get me started over there, but mostly it's daunting. I would like it very much if I had a place to stay when I get there. I will put out more energy to insure accommodations as the date is defined and nearer. As for now, it's mid March. I am waiting to buy my ticket when my passport arrives.
This is the first blog I am writing in this forum, so I will define some of the parameters I intend to uphold... or apply.
This will be directed more towards the process and journey of travel, as opposed to an attempt to illicit laughter through embellishments. If I feel called to stray from this rule, I will fully disclose my tone within the blog. (look at how uptight I ALREADY am!)
Honest representation of my feelings and experiences.
I don't know really how this will take form, but I need to start it so I know what I am writing to. I am writing to exercise and document experience to draw from, in the future, for a larger project or to simply shape my experience.
I love writing and communicating. I am moving to France to learn French. It makes me nervous to be floundering for however long I may be, in a foreign language. As an expressive, sometimes verbose person, I imagine it will be of great value. I hope to cultivate some understanding of myself and other people. I would love to be more accepting of myself and humanity, perhaps making myself an outsider will put me in touch with more grace in my dealings with people... with myself as well.
My roots are a ragged sort and I draw pride from them knowing that I am owning my existence with a zeal that someone raised to believe in themselves would carry.
I am single and have been for so long I can't imagine what a relationship would look like, but have to entertain the idea that I may find myself in love while in the element of working to cultivate a sense of consistency for myself in foreign territory.
I am traditionally a comedic writer or confrontational writer (where my exes at?!), depending on the circumstances. I want only to convey my authentic experience as it happens. It may be arduous for someone to read through, at times, but I will make every effort to balance my writing with regular tending to my satirical blog (momwantsmedead.blogspot.com) and apply some levity to my writings here as well.
As for the next few weeks, I will be writing to discuss developments, as they arise, as well as attempt to assort through the bustle of thoughts and emotions surrounding this most exciting endeavor.
I have never traveled over seas, I haven't even been to Mexico or Hawaii. However, I know that this is what I want to do. I don't know where I will stay or how I will live. I have a modest savings that will get me started over there, but mostly it's daunting. I would like it very much if I had a place to stay when I get there. I will put out more energy to insure accommodations as the date is defined and nearer. As for now, it's mid March. I am waiting to buy my ticket when my passport arrives.
This is the first blog I am writing in this forum, so I will define some of the parameters I intend to uphold... or apply.
This will be directed more towards the process and journey of travel, as opposed to an attempt to illicit laughter through embellishments. If I feel called to stray from this rule, I will fully disclose my tone within the blog. (look at how uptight I ALREADY am!)
Honest representation of my feelings and experiences.
I don't know really how this will take form, but I need to start it so I know what I am writing to. I am writing to exercise and document experience to draw from, in the future, for a larger project or to simply shape my experience.
I love writing and communicating. I am moving to France to learn French. It makes me nervous to be floundering for however long I may be, in a foreign language. As an expressive, sometimes verbose person, I imagine it will be of great value. I hope to cultivate some understanding of myself and other people. I would love to be more accepting of myself and humanity, perhaps making myself an outsider will put me in touch with more grace in my dealings with people... with myself as well.
My roots are a ragged sort and I draw pride from them knowing that I am owning my existence with a zeal that someone raised to believe in themselves would carry.
I am single and have been for so long I can't imagine what a relationship would look like, but have to entertain the idea that I may find myself in love while in the element of working to cultivate a sense of consistency for myself in foreign territory.
I am traditionally a comedic writer or confrontational writer (where my exes at?!), depending on the circumstances. I want only to convey my authentic experience as it happens. It may be arduous for someone to read through, at times, but I will make every effort to balance my writing with regular tending to my satirical blog (momwantsmedead.blogspot.com) and apply some levity to my writings here as well.
As for the next few weeks, I will be writing to discuss developments, as they arise, as well as attempt to assort through the bustle of thoughts and emotions surrounding this most exciting endeavor.
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